Saturday, February 11, 2006

Chop-Chop Math

There are 1.2 billion Muslims on Earth, out of a population of 8 billion or so. That leaves us with 8 - 1.2 = 6.8 billion infidels.

So, just how long does it take to behead 6.8 billion infidels? Like any good business plan, we have to make some assumptions. Let's get a few of these done.

Let's say that 1 out of 100000 Muslims is pious, devout, and pure enough to be blessed with the honor of weilding the beheading sword. Thats 1200000000/100000 = 12000 qualified Muslim beheaders available.

In a day, a dedicated beheader must allow for sleep, prayer, eating, resting, and taking a couple of dumps. 8 hours of sleep, 2 hours of prayer, 3 hours of eating (and a bit for sword resharpening) leaves 11 hours of beheading time. If we further assume that the beheading process requires 10 minutes per infidel, allowing for staging, alignment, the holy blow, restoration of the beheading surface and handling of the infidel parts, we arrive at 6 beheadings per hour per holy beheader, for a total of 66 per day each.

That means our muslim beheaders can, in a day, on a global basis, dispatch a total of 66 * 12000 infidels during each sol, meaning purification of the Earth could proceed at the rate of 792000 per day.

Then, how long until the Earth is entirely cleaned of infidel pigs? The math is now easy, given our earlier assumptions.

6.8 billion/792000 = 8585 days (give or take). That's 23 years.

And in that 23 years, those infidel pigs will be both dying of natural causes while they await beheading (damn), and reproducing. The infidel harlots will spawn more infidel pigs, extending the operation for another possible 5 years.

That's 28 years folks.

Next time you see a Muslim holding up a 'behead the infidel' banner in downtown London or some other European centre, take them aside and review above calculations. While few can deny the visceral satisfaction to be obtained through a good infidel beheading, it's an entirely slow and inefficient process. Tell the stooge to reconsider the banner and advocate more efficient infidel cleansing methodologies. For instance, "Endless Happy Days Reruns For Those Who Insult Islam". Now we're talking terror.